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The Email Geeks poetry slam The Raven


The Email Geeks poetry slam The Raven


What happens when you get a group of email geeks talking about Halloween?
Why a rewrite of Edgar Allen Poe’s
The Raven, of course!

The Raven is 18 stanzas.  We’ve rewritten the first 6 and invite you to add the next dozen stanzas in proper Poe style .

To make it a little more fun, The Email Geeks Poetry Slam is  also posted at InboxGroup, Luke Glasner and Red Pill Email.  That means that there is an opportunity to add four different versions of the remaining stanzas, and four possible endings.

Join in by adding your own verses, and then visit each of the blogs hosting The Email Geeks Poetry Slam to see how each version turns out.

Think of it as Email Trick-or-Geek.

Happy Halloween!

Once upon a Monday dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a useless email all so easy to ignore
While I deleted, clearing clutter, suddenly there came a flutter,
Telling me there was another, hoping one I’d opted for.
`Make it b1gger’, ‘Rolex watches’, ‘Married women want to score’ –
Only this, and nothing more.’  — John Caldwell

Jim DucharmeAh, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate email sendor wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I trashed the spammer; – vainly I had sought to hammer
From my tweets surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost sendor –
For the rare relevant email whom would not be deemed spammor –
Nameless here for evermore.  — Jim Ducharme

Ryan PhelanAnd the silken sad uncertain deletion of each unwanted email
Thrilled me – shook me with esoteric terrors never felt before;
So that now, even now, to still the checking of my email, I stood repeating
`’Tis some unholy visitor entreating entrance at my sacred inbox door-
Some late unholy visitor entreating entrance at my sacred inbox door; –
This it is, and nothing more,’  — Ryan Phelan

Rory CarlylePresently my soul grew stronger; checking my inbox then no longer,
`SPAM,’ said I, `or WTF, stop emailing me, I implore;
But the fact is I was crapping, and so abruptly you came rapping,
And so roughly you came tapping, tapping at my sacred inbox door,
What the hell, I’m sure I heard you’ – here I opened wide the door; –
SPAM in there, and nothing more.  — Rory Carlyle

Chris DonaldDeep into my inbox peering, long I sat there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, reading email no mortals ever read before;
But the silence was finally broken, and the action triggered token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered words,
They Opened?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the words,”They opened!” Merely this, and nothing more. They bought nothing from my store.  — Chris Donald

Luke GlasnerBack into my inbox turning, considering my computer burning,
Soon again I heard the CPU fans turning, somewhat louder than before
Overclocking said I, overclocking, fans running galore because of memory tax by antivirus
Let me see then, what this hack is, this mystery CPU usage to explore
Let my heart be still a moment, please post a worm removal tool to explore? ’
Tis just some tracking cookies and nothing more!  — Luke Glasner

Join in by adding your own verses, and then visit each of the blogs hosting The Email Geeks Poetry Slam to see how each version turns out!

Remember to include the number of the verse too please!

  • Profile:  Jeff Ginsberg has 17+ years’ experience and is an industry known authority on email marketing who gets in the trenches with clients and helps them fulfill their marketing objectives, increase revenue and brand engagement. Clients rely on him and his team at The eMail Company to provide them with expertise from strategy to technology and from campaign management to channel integration. Jeff has worked with clients across all spectrums in the financial, automotive, retail and consumer packaged goods space. His experience covers both B2B and B2C markets. He has a strong background in educating and training agencies and clients about email best practices and is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to marketing tools and vendor selection. While Jeff’s team may be small, they know how to solve BIG email marketing problems. Looking for help with your next campaign? Don’t be afraid to give him a call – Jeff and his team ready to help you today. Give me a call: Toll Free: 877-We-eMail (877-933-6245) Local: 416-225-7711 eMail: jeff@theemailcompany.com
  • Website:  http://www.theemailguide.com
  • Twitter:   http://www.twitter.com/theemailguide
  • LinkedIn:   http://ca.linkedin.com/in/chiefemailofficer
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Your thoughts here
  1. Verse 12. That’s it folks. Enjoy the weekend.

    And the maven still spilling all his self-proclaimed wisdom,
    Took his followers and fans to the glorious social kingdom;
    Then, after heavenly drinking, they took themselves to thinking
    Channel after channel, linking media to people to conversion
    Seeing what the maven had blinded them for; in desperation
    Value, integration and people over hype; even conversation

  2. Here’s verse 11

    Startled at relation broken by irrelevant messages selfishly sent,
    `My privacy,’ said I, `is what I granted, now with repent ,
    Caught by promises to share knowledge thou claimed to master
    Segmentation nor personalization receiving thy letters a disaster
    Followed fast and followed faster with spam mails ever more –
    Till the borders of acceptance crossed thy content bore
    Complaint button hit, bad reputation therefore’

  3. Verses 8, 9 and 10.

    Then this tweeting bird inviting my soul to join the conversation,
    Carried to the grave my messages while promising salvation
    Its feathers blue and youthful messages sounding new and proud.
    No raven but crow connecting mankind in tribes and crowd –
    Unravel thy social secret that unites us in messages so short!’
    Community the blue bird spoke is our sword.’

    Much feared this message carried by the wise owl hooting,
    Though its answer promise – less relevancy more shooting;
    For we cannot help agreeing that no real human being
    Ever yet found love, trust, respect or sacred nurturing
    In a nest of hashtags and eleven words or little more,
    With such simple promise as sharing and caring for

    But the bird, sitting with his social friends, said only,
    That a few words, as if our souls in these words we can outpour.
    Were more relevant than what we did before – and nevermore
    Still my soul spoke loud `The bird is not the new king in my land –
    Nor are the faces, spaces or the bookmarks shared by his hand’
    White nor raven black no loss, grey connected channels all across!

  4. And the salvos of stubborn repetition forced them to withdraw permission
    But blind he remained for their preference of relevance and pertinence ;
    In the end, to still the suffering of unsubscribe he stopped repeating
    `’Tis time to listen, no more shouting or self-centred cheating –
    See their wants, converse and debate in sentences so great ; –
    That they’ll never again feel their trust betrayed,’

  5. Verse 7

    Open here the call to action, sadly lacking zeal or passion,
    Email blasts are so old fashioned like the saintly days of yore.
    For they do nothing for engagement, they simply spawn enragement,
    So, for customer assuagement, trigger emails evermore.
    Give subscribers what they need and your emails will succeed
    So you must take heed, this and nothing more.

  6. Last day of slaving, freedom beyond the screen from far away; waving
    Questions, promotions intruding my peace; letters, stay away, please
    Keep my inbox clean from duty’s pain, merciless subject line and preview pane
    Hide thy content in sealed envelope, grant me days of air, breath and hope
    Until the first day comes again, no escape from it, work the fate of every man
    Hush space of ones and zeros, we disconnect, let us rest, working class heroes

  7. Awesome!

    Can you tell me which verses those were Jordie and Listrak? I’ll add a note to the post about that so we don’t lose track.

    Regards,
    jim

    Jim Ducharme
  8. Here you guys go, Emailgeeks 4 life ;)

    Verse 4

    Presently my fake stats grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
    `Sir,’ said I, `or [dear first name], truly your re-subscribe I implore;
    But the fact is I was non-responsive, and so gently you became inactive,
    And so faintly you became not-clicking, seeing my crm reportor,
    That I scarce was sure I heard you’ -subjectline shouted “Upsell more!”; –
    Spambox in, and nothing more.

  9. Open here the call to action, sadly lacking zeal or passion,
    Email blasts are so old fashioned like the saintly days of yore.
    For they do nothing for engagement, they simply spawn enragement,
    So, for customer assuagement, trigger emails evermore.
    Give subscribers what they need and your emails will succeed
    So you must take heed, this and nothing more.

  10. Here’s my verse 7, I hope it fits:

    Open here I hit send/receive, when, with many a clunk and whir
    In there appeared a surprising email that I hadn’t ask for,
    Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
    But, with mien of assumed permission, perched above my spam filter door,
    Perched upon a receipt of Amazon just above my priority inbox floor
    I should just hit spam and nothing more

  11. Love the post, although I never took to poetry I do know how to rhyme from time to time.

    So here is my verse, I do here chime.

    Client’s calling and campaign sending it Monday morning and my head is spinning
    Every day we send and blast and email Ninjas say alas,.
    Test and segments are the way to go. They will increase your lift and conversion so.
    So I sit and think and hypothesis, how to make my subscriptions and conversion rise.
    With testing and segmenting there is no surprise the numbers speak and I do realize.
    Email marketing is not dead …(silly social marketers it’s all in your head)

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